Keep Calm and Carry On

I'm sure you and everyone you know is aware of the "Keep Calm &" shirts and etc...that have been popping up everywhere for any situation the past couple years. Do you know where this saying originated? I did not. I assumed it had something to do with England because of the crown thing, but I was curious today, so I looked it up. I also found this:

It's actually quite interesting. Also, may I just say that I would freaking LOVE to work at that bookshop? Anyway, I'm really glad they found that poster, because I love the random things people come up with associated to this saying. Here are a few of my favorites:

Doctor Who for the WIN!

A Little Poetry...

You have played,
(I think)
And broke the toys
   you were fondest of,
And are a little tired now;
Tired of things that break,
   and --
Just tired.
So am I.

- e.e. cummings

Chivalry?

To me, Chivalry is not about opening doors or pulling out chairs. Honestly, I can open my own goddamn door. I am incredibly confused by the chair thing. It's awkward and saves nobody anything. To me, chivalry is about being brave, decent and kind. In the modern times, this would translate into not STARING at my boobs, NOT fucking me when I'm too drunk to know your name, and maybe just taking my drunk ass home.

Modern woman is unimpressed with your Chivalry. You claim we killed it, but I claim you underachieved it. Look up Chivalry on Wikipedia. Chivalry had to do with Courage, Honor, and Service and to protect the weak and defenseless. Women's Liberation didn't undermine shit. Should I be honored that you decided to open a door for me? Seeing as I'm perfectly capable of opening my own doors (I even open doors for men sometimes *gasp*) I would say no. Respect for a woman in today's terms means a bit more than doors. If you are unable to keep up with the times, that is one thing, but blaming the death of chivalry on us is just another.

If you feel slighted or betrayed or whatever, you obviously have no concept of what the term "chivalry" actually refers to. Yes, it refers to a list of codes that honor your fellow man as well as womankind, but it also has something to do with heroic actions and the continuation of beauty. Honestly if you are going to try employing heroic deeds of valor to win over your woman's heart...try a little harder. Or stop fucking whining in any case, because whining has got to be the least chivalric/attractive thing to happen, like, ever.

Everybody Hurts

I barely even know what Twitter is, but these are cracking me up right now. Especially Will Ferrell.

BFFF Mix

Just some songs about friendship since my bestie is coming down to the hometown for a visit :) Yeah, I sicken myself too. Just ignore some of the romantic connotations in these songs, it's surprisingly hard to find songs about straight lady friendship. Okay, semi-straight lady friendship.

1. Friend is a Four Letter Word - Cake (love me some four letter words)
2. If There Was No You - Brandi Carlile (my secrets aren't safe, I'm singing out of tune if there was no you)
3. With A Little Help From My Friends - The Beatles (obviously)
4. We're Going To Be Friends - The White Stripes (cute)
5. My Best Friend - Weezer (aww)
6. BFFF - Bowling For Soup (ah haha ha just found this)(just tryin' to say I love you in a heterosexual way)
7. If She Wants Me - Belle & Sebastian (on second thoughts I'd rather hang around with my best friend if she wants me)
8. Old Friends, Bookends - Simon & Garfunkel (time it was and what a time it was, it was a time of innocence, a time of confidences)
9. You're My Best Friend - Queen (their hair is so great in this vid)
10. I'm Sticking With You - The Velvet Underground (cuz I'm made out of glue)
11. I Miss You - Kimya Dawson (short but sweet)

Hating On Facebook

Taking a cue from my Ohio friend Steven Menke, I've decided to re-visit my youthful ranting days. As though I don't do this all day everyday to anyone that will stand still long enough to listen. I've decided to target Facebook because, well, it's relevant and I was on Facebook all night while at work and that's what triggered my ire. There are some actual examples that I will bitch about instead of the abstract concepts I normally throw at people.

1. SHARE THIS!: "SHARE if you remember pledging allegiance to the flag in class and still think it's important today."

Okay, pushing aside my actual stance on the Pledge of Allegiance (I'll need to make a whole other post for that issue), I'm just going to direct my ire towards the SHARE part. Even assuming I did care about the Pledge for nostalgia's sake, why do I have to share this? Is the government keeping secret tabs on all the Facebook users who give a shit? Are you winning a bet? Do I get a prize?

The answer is no. Nothing at all happens if someone shares this thing except that the cycle of annoying shit is perpetuated.

2. LIKE THIS!: "LIKE if you wish cancer didn't exist."

Don't think I'm a heartless bitch here(if you don't already). I'm not saying I'm PRO cancer. I'm saying...well, it's a disease whose causes are many and often unpredictable. It kills many many people. It's a disease. Disease has been around on this planet probably as long as this planet has existed. It's kind of like the way things are...ya know? So, does it suck? Hellz yes. But if cancer didn't exist, there would just be something else to take it's place. Thus is the nature of, well, nature. And thus, life. So what you are basically saying is "Don't you wish all the bad things in life didn't exist?" In which case I would ask you, "Are you 5 years old?"

The part that really bothers me, however, is what's implied if you don't LIKE their post. Apparently I am a lover of cancer. I wish it on everyone. Just wanna cancer up this bitch. Which, actually, I can't totally deny.

*lights a cigarette*

Paloma Negra - Chavela Vargas

In keeping with the theme of angry womens this week (I guess) I decided to share one of my personal favorites, Paloma Negra. This song was featured in Frida, one of my all time favorite movies based on one of my all time favorite artists and just generally badass lady. The voice of this song, Chavela Vargas, is an equally awesome woman closely associated with Frida Kahlo who (R.I.P.) passed away this past August. Sad day, but lady was 93...so ya know, it's not like it was unexpected. In any case, she leaves a great legacy with that heartbreaking, powerful voice.

 I had to look up what it actually meant because I don't speak Spanish. You probably don't either, so here's an iffy translation I found somewhere:

I'm tired of crying for nothing
I don't know if I should curse you or pray for you
I'm afraid to look for you and to find you
Where my friends assure me that you go

There are moments when I would prefer to split
and finally pull out the nails of my torment
but my eyes die without the sight of your eyes
and my glowing love continues to await you

You have taken for yourself the party (good times)

Black dove, Black dove, where, where do you go?
Don't play with my honor
if your caresses must be mine, and no one else's

and although I love you like crazy don't return
Black dove you are the bars of a punishment (jail?)
I want to be free to live my life with whom I want

God give me strength, I'm dying from searching for her

and you have taken for yourself the parties (good times)

Source(s):

http://www.filmtracks.com/comments/title…

Dicks Be Gone!

Normally I'm not as much of a feminist/feminazi, but I have a friend who has been blowing up my phone ranting about her stupid husband and I'm feeling like some inspirational chick music might make things better. Hold onto your balls boys, this is my Chicks Not Dicks Mix.

1. Stronger - Kelly Clarkson (b/c it's mandatory to add KC to any femme based music compilation)
2. Single Ladies - Beyonce (my guuuurl Beyonce be fierce)
3. Part of Me - Katy Perry (love me some Katy)
4. Blow Me - Pink (she's pretty much always angry about something)
5. You Outta Know - Alanis Morissette (the goddess of 90's chick rage)
6. Smile - Lilly Allen (the music video is priceless, I don't care what you think)
7. Bad Reputation - Joan Jett  (she inspires badassery)
8. Call Me When You're Sober - Evanescence (I had to)
9. Because I'm Awesome - The Dollyrots (I don't need you cuz I'm neat-o and I beat you cuz I'm awesome!)
10. Just A Girl - No Doubt (Gwen Stefani is hot...js)
11. Ignorance - Paramore (it felt right to add)
12. I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor (or the Cake version if you prefer, I almost always do)
13. Think - Aretha Franklin (also mandatory to add Aretha to any femme based music mix)

I feel like I probably left some gems out, but I am le tired, so fuck it.