I haven't really posted this month. I've been in a weird mood. In May I feel like I get to be openly sad without being a freak. Maybe that's not actually true because after 8 years people might think it's insincere. But it's not. To contradict myself a sentence later, I guess it's not exactly sadness anymore, though. It's more...reflection. I just like to reflect upon the sadness. Remember my time with Chad. Remember losing Chad.
remember to never lose this comic.
I go back to my old blog and read through 2005. Remember how Chad influenced my life. Remember when Chad told me he was gay. Remember our car rides. Remember who I was at that time. It's strange to remember feeling all those things, being in those places, but also feel strangely disconnected with that girl that was me. That embarrassingly open book of a girl. That dumb girl. That naive girl. That awkward girl. I don't see much of her in myself anymore...even though I am still sort of all those things.
May is a time of learning. Learning to move through life again, like I did all those years ago. Learning that I can make new habits, form new friendships. And I can lose them all and still exist. May is a time of acceptance, and defiance, and happiness amidst the shitty. May is a time of many cigarettes.
I'm in a pretty great mood right now. Maybe it's because I just got done watching 3 seasons of The Guild with Tyler, and also consumed way too much sugar (Coke). I am super sad this is probably the last season. But anyway, Tyler's into this MMO, Neverwinter, and got me really psyched to try it...then I get home and can't download it b/c my computer tells me there's a virus in the download. Fail. Whatever, I'll figure it out later. Not gonna bring me down.
I worked out yesterday, so I feel like sitting on my ass and drawing is a valid option for today. I have been seriously slacking in the artsy department lately, but I feel it's been balanced out by the devotion I've shown in attending music events.
LAZERfest was pretty great; got trashed, got a sunburn, almost got smushed to death, made out with a guy from my high school days randomly, went home, passed out. Good day. Then Sunday I went to Byron's in Pomeroy, Ia to watch The Sundogs. Mostly Dan Lodden just decided to kidnap me out there, but it was a good time. Byron is super nice and his bar is actually a pretty rad atmosphere. Live music most Sundays, so I might try to make it out there again at some point.
Memorial Weekend I might try to make it out to that thing at the Meadow, and then June 1st there's that thing at the Ballroom. Not to overwhelm everyone with specificity, or anything. But I'm pumped. Last year, nearly all my plans to do things fell through for various reasons, so I'm just trying to make the most out of this one.
And not cry myself to sleep every night from missing my BFFF who will be in New York all summer interning and just being generally awesome. Away from me. But don't cry for me Argentina, I've decided this summer is going to be rad.
