Hating on Facebook - 2

You know what really grinds my gears? People trying to hook-up over Facebook.

I've learned that the only time a male messages you on Facebook is when he's looking for a hook-up. When did this become a thing exactly? When people stopped using MySpace? It just strikes me as a bit odd. Also, horribly offensive. Who do you think I am? Why are you so desperate? Leave me alone. Below are a few annoying examples.

1. The first time this ever happened to me, a person I know from high-school chatted me at 5a.m., which is basically noon for me. This person and I don't ever talk, I only even see him at the bar or at work.

Guy: what up hannah
Me: oh just bumming around. you?
Guy: boooooooored. what are you doing up?
Me: I just don't sleep. What are you doing up?
Guy: bored. can't sleep.
Me: well, ya know what cures boredom? sleeping!
Guy: so does a lot of other fun things but theres not a female here
Me: lol. so have fun with yourself?
Guy: just not as fun id rather have the real thing
Me: well, you can't always get what you want.
Guy: I want fun tho:( you wanna have fun hannah?
Me: Are you propositioning me? This is like the 8th time this week that's happened. Do I have a fucking sign on my head???
Guy: I take that as a no?
Me: pretty much :)
Guy:    :(

That was sort of a rough week for me. Everyone was mistaking me for a prostitute.

2. This happens sometimes...

Random Male Acquaintance: so I'm single now, wanna chill sometime?
Random Male Acquaintance: (a week later) my offer still stands...
Me: No thank you.
Random Male Acquaintance: k thanks for being honest.

Sometimes, guys with girlfriends hit on me. I tell them "ew! you have a girlfriend." That's not actually why I don't want to sleep with them. I don't want to sleep with them because they are slimeballs. But all they hear is the girlfriend thing. So they think now that they're single I will go for them? Dude, you don't even have my number. When I don't like you enough to even give you my phone number, just assume I do not want to sleep with you.

3. The most annoying to me is when people I don't know, and won't add because I don't know them, message me anyway and ask to talk.

Random Male: Hey what's up? I'm a good friend of (person I know-ish). We just met at your workplace.
Me: Um. Hi.
Random Male: Can we talk and get to know each other?
Me: I'm a lesbian.
Random Male: So we can't even talk and be friends?
Random Male: You there?

What a needy creeper. No, we can't talk. I barely text my actual friends, talking on FB is super inconvenient since I don't have the FB messenger app, I'm at work, and I don't want to know you. I just met you ten minutes ago and you have already virtually stalked me. Also, you are ugly. Let's just call it "never meant to be" and leave it.

4. And then there's this guy who used to be a regular at the gas station, so I kinda knew him. I thought he was dating someone I knew. He asked if he could add me on Facebook, so I was like, whatever. Then a day later he sends this.

Random Douche: Hi Hannah :) If you wanna txt me my number is 1515-XXX-XXXX. I haven't been on here very much lately.

Yeah. That's gonna happen...NOT. Why would you tell me to add you on Facebook to then tell me you don't go on Facebook, and give me your number instead? Why on earth would I want to text you? Nice try, guy.

5. This most recent offender was another kid I went to school with and haven't talked to in forever.

Random Male Acquaintance: What's up beautiful
Me: looking up random old school computer games with some friends. you?
Random Male Acquaintance: just laying in bed now bored.

Aaaaaand you mentioned bed, used the word "laying" improperly, and called me "beautiful" (which may just be a personal turn off for me, but whatever). Not talking to you anymore. See, I'm getting better at early detection! Hilariously enough, he messaged my friend a few days later and said she sounded like a kinky girl and that he'd rock her world. Ugh. Just, ugh.

The Exhausting Borg

I am not a technologically advanced person. That's not to say I'm totally perplexed by it all, I'm just not that great at it. For example, all the social platforms (facebook, twitter, g+, tumblr) sort of exhaust me. I don't know if anyone else my age feels this way, but in this computer heavy era I feel obligated to bone up on the social mediums. I feel like this might come in handy later in life when I have something to use them all for, but right now it's just a bit pointless and tiring. I feel it's my duty in some way to read all my feeds, to update, to be informed...and it's making me hate everything.

Everything.

The burden of the information era is knowing so little of consequence. It all has to be known. Why? Why do I need to know? I don't particularly care, so what's the point of it all? Currently it's just acting as a filler. I mean, I don't really do anything like go to school or talk to people, so I suppose it inhabits that space. That space that isn't all about me. The "me" space is my blogs...of which I have far too many(much?). But I can't really help that, I've always been far too introspective and I don't necessarily mind that.

I'm just having a spot of trouble juggling all of this technology. I feel like the internet is the Borg, processing and organizing, analyzing but never really feeling. I am a part of this vast network of collected peoples and resistance is futile. Negotiation is irrelevant, I will be assimilated. I already am.

Hating On Facebook

Taking a cue from my Ohio friend Steven Menke, I've decided to re-visit my youthful ranting days. As though I don't do this all day everyday to anyone that will stand still long enough to listen. I've decided to target Facebook because, well, it's relevant and I was on Facebook all night while at work and that's what triggered my ire. There are some actual examples that I will bitch about instead of the abstract concepts I normally throw at people.

1. SHARE THIS!: "SHARE if you remember pledging allegiance to the flag in class and still think it's important today."

Okay, pushing aside my actual stance on the Pledge of Allegiance (I'll need to make a whole other post for that issue), I'm just going to direct my ire towards the SHARE part. Even assuming I did care about the Pledge for nostalgia's sake, why do I have to share this? Is the government keeping secret tabs on all the Facebook users who give a shit? Are you winning a bet? Do I get a prize?

The answer is no. Nothing at all happens if someone shares this thing except that the cycle of annoying shit is perpetuated.

2. LIKE THIS!: "LIKE if you wish cancer didn't exist."

Don't think I'm a heartless bitch here(if you don't already). I'm not saying I'm PRO cancer. I'm saying...well, it's a disease whose causes are many and often unpredictable. It kills many many people. It's a disease. Disease has been around on this planet probably as long as this planet has existed. It's kind of like the way things are...ya know? So, does it suck? Hellz yes. But if cancer didn't exist, there would just be something else to take it's place. Thus is the nature of, well, nature. And thus, life. So what you are basically saying is "Don't you wish all the bad things in life didn't exist?" In which case I would ask you, "Are you 5 years old?"

The part that really bothers me, however, is what's implied if you don't LIKE their post. Apparently I am a lover of cancer. I wish it on everyone. Just wanna cancer up this bitch. Which, actually, I can't totally deny.

*lights a cigarette*