Comments on Comments

(Comments comments COMments comMENTS. Does comments even look like a word to you anymore?)

This is sort of a dirty little secret of mine, but a thing I like to do when I'm feeling bored or masochistic is to look at the comment section of random sites (twitter, facebook, cracked, youtube, etc..). For example, today after reading this excellent article by my future 3rd husband, Felix Clay, I decided to peruse what others thought of his hilarity. Because I am exceptionally bored today. On purpose.

A thing I've noticed about comments is a thing I end up noticing about people: they basically come in 6 different varieties. There is always (1) that person who genuinely wants to help/is perplexed by your humor. There is always someone (2) who is staunchly against whatever you say/deliberately takes everything you say out of context/does not understand context. Someone who (3) wants to suck your metaphorical (or actual) dick. Someone who (5) gives out way too much unnecessary information because they are lonely extroverts who just want to connect/people who think they are so awesome, everyone wants to know this trivial shit about them. And (6) the asshole 12 year old, aka. Troll. Sometimes, just maybe, you get the hilarious/useful comment that alludes to a person you might actually want to communicate with in the real world. You won't, but that fleeting desire is there. So I guess maybe 7 varieties. Shut up.

Anyway, I was sort of irritated by cherokeebride's comment of "Just because someone can't read your mind, doesn't mean they're thoughtless."

I guess you might need context as to why I find it annoying, but just go on this...the article was titled The 7 Worst Gifts People Seem To Give Every Christmas. This is posted on Cracked.com, a comedy site most notoriously known for lists and dick-jokes. This article is obviously going to include some over the top/mildly offensive humor. And the whole list is generically hateable enough to include everyone in the fun. So, if I were a person that commented on comment forums instead of a person who is so pathologically obsessed with her own opinions that she has a whole blog to post her comments to instead, I would respond to her that...oh shit, I just lost my train of thought.

Oh yeah, I would respond to her that there is this thing called humor that she has proven not everyone has in great supply. As in, some might have a small supply of it, and/or it might be defective in some way, possibly molding. Except that I would never rationally respond to this type of comment because it would be the most self-defeating thing I've done since that time the other day when I tried to argue Batman vs. Superman with a grown man who has a Superman tattoo. Which of course Cracked has already covered for me. I would instead troll the shit out of her. Because while I abjectly hate trolling, it is sometimes the only appropriate response.

-swift and Mediorite, however, are awesome.

So I guess to wrap up this long ramble about comments, I would like to say thanks to all of my imaginary readers for not commenting. I would probably just think you are insufferable anyway. 

A Quote You Try To Live By

The prompt says "a quote," but I'm going to do a few...because I am a whore for quotes. I love them. Deal with it.

1. "Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you." -Rumi

This, and my extreme need for solitude, is why I'm rarely if ever lonely.

2. "There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." -Aristotle

I used to be so worried about how others viewed me. So much so that I would make myself into something less than a person with a full range of likes and dislikes and personality. This reaffirms my resolve to just be myself.

3. "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." -Anais Nin

I love this quote as a reminder to myself that not everyone sees things in my perspective, and also to constantly check my own views and how they are biased, not necessarily truth.

4. "I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night." - Aristotle

The night sky intrigues, astounds, and soothes me. I have never been afraid of going anywhere at night (past the age of 4) because my obsession with stars and space (and okay, some morbid things) has made it impossible for me to feel anything but good about the night.

5. "I am the hero of this story, don't need to be saved." -Regina Spektor
Technically these are song lyrics, but I feel it's been vital to me. Vital to realize that you are the hero of your own story, and you need no saving. You need to save yourself. I need to save myself from my own problems, not wait around for some one else to pick up the pieces.

A Problem That You Have Had

Me too, man, me too.

5 Ways To Win Your Heart

1. Make Me Laugh
It's not hard. I have a sense of humor that ranges from juvenile to cynical, so I find pretty much anything funny. So if someone can't even accomplish that...it's just not going to happen.

2. Be Open
I like to dive into people's brains and try to figure them out, so I appreciate when they allow this. Maybe don't divulge everything up front, but if I don't even know who you are, how am I supposed to know how I feel about you.

3. Be Open-Minded
The best sort of people, in my opinion, are the ones who understand the fact that people can be different from them, and value different things, and still be awesome. I'm not saying they have to be perfectly zen with the world and in love with everyone, but maybe just tolerant of opinions not their own.

4. Be Passionate
About something. Anything really, except maybe murder.

5. Feed Me
I basically hate cooking, it's super boring, and end up going out to eat a lot. So I guess whenever someone makes me food, I think that is pretty epic. If you feed me, I will pretty much love you forever. 

One Thing You're Excited For

Okay, I'm going to kick this shindig off with the last item on the 30 Day Prompts list because I like the symmetry of #1 being One Thing. Also, I'm one day late with this! So, without further ado...

The one thing I'm excited for is getting a bird. Specifically, a cockatiel. My dad had a pair of cockatiels, Ward and June, when I was younger and I was always pretty in love with them. Well, Ward anyway. June was a bitch. Which is why I'm planning on getting a male, apparently they learn to sing/talk better than females, presumably due to some evolutionary mating thing.

Last week, I finally asked my landlady if she would charge me the pet fee if I got a bird, and if so, how much that would be. She replied that technically, the apartment owners don't want birds in the apartments at all, and usually the pet fee is $900. However, she said I could get a bird if I wanted, so long as I didn't fuck up the carpet, and she wouldn't tell the owners. No pet fee required. So that was pretty fucking sweet of her. So glad she loves me.

I ordered the bird cage and received it this week, set it up yesterday. It is super cute. Now I am just waiting for my next paycheck so that I can actually buy the goddamned bird. However, I want to get one from a breeder, not a pet store, and the closest breeder lives in Sioux City. Two fucking hours away. So I'm not excited about that. But I am super fucking psyched to get my bird. Even though everyone thinks I'm crazy for wanting a bird.

Why the fuck is everyone so biased about birds? It's not like dogs are so goddamn great, they shit and piss all over, you have to walk them, they bark for no reason, and they smell like...well, dog. So fuck y'all. I'm getting a motherfucking bird. And I'm excited.

30 Day Journal Prompts

Finally getting around to this...though I may change a few of them or do them out of order. And let's be honest, I'm probably not going to be very faithful to the "every day" thing. Whatever. I'll officially start tomorrow.

Have not died yet...

Ugh. I haven't posted in a bit, so I just thought I'd leave an update. Nothing is going on in my life except that I've been sickly and tired. And I work more than I want to. On Fridays I get piss-faced drunk. I feel like I've become a cliche. It's...interesting in that it's not. I think I'll start one of those 30 day challenge things next month if I'm feeling really optimistic...if not, I'll save it for the new year. Because procrastination is what I'm all about every year, but January is when I can pretend that will change.

My throat hurts. I'm going to watch the 50th Anniversary episode of Doctor Who, Day of the Doctor, now. So psyched! Then I will curl into a ball and die.

What's In My Bag?

The contents of my purse, because I decided to clean it out today...even I was a little taken aback by the random crap in there. This is no Us Weekly list.

1 pack fruit snacks, half pack peanut m&m's
3 lip balms
4 lighters
1 novelty syringe
1 can opener
2 packs Red 72's
Half pack Orbit Sweet Mint
Napkin with a phone number written in blue ink
Grocery list
3 Werther's candies, 1 soggy mint
2 poems
6 unnecessary receipts
1 black pen
1 purple eyeliner pencil
2 Ibuprofin
1 Small lotion
1 Tampon
1 Body Spray
Piece of paper listing the 50 States

McGuyver could make a bomb with my purse.

Non-Gamer Gaming Problems

I don't really like very many video games (okay, mostly I'm just not good at them) so it's very upsetting to me when something interesting comes into existence...but it's not playable on my console (Xbox 360).

For example, Beyond: Two Souls for the PS3

This sounds interesting and playable and voiced by Ellen Page and Willem Dafoe. Why is it only available for PS3??? This is some bullshit right here.

 This article told me there is a thing called Fable Legends coming out that sounded pretty damn awesome...until I found out it was going to be an Xbox One game.

And, fuck my life because Lionhead is not even developing a Fable IV yet (or maybe ever). And everyone knows Fable and Lego games are the only things I can play, because I have the gaming skills of a 5 year old.

Fuck Youuuu!!!

The only bright spot on my gaming horizon is LEGO Marvel Super Heroes!

Although it is still super fucking weird to me that they talk.  

Cover Lover Mix

I was raised by a man who despised covers. So, I was a little biased myself, until I came to the conclusion that not all covers are bad. The artists who do them are paying tribute to a song they like by trying to make it their own. They aren't stealing them out of laziness or spite. Well, probably not most of them. Anyway, these are some of my favorite covers.

1. Hurt - Johnny Cash (much grittier. always gives me chills at the end)
2. Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley (his acoustic version makes it much sadder sounding than the original)
3. Imagine - A Perfect Circle (they made this hopeful little song sound...a little bleak, but in a good way?)
4. Jolene - The White Stripes (nothing special, but I just like it)
5. Naive - Lily Allen (I just love me some Lily...)
6. Starstrukk - Marina & the Diamonds (turns it into a somber, beautiful ballad?)
7. Down with the Sickness - Richard Cheese (from Dawn of the Dead fame...just a little priceless)
8. Black Hole Sun - Paul Anka (the whole Rock Swings album is totes fab)
9. Hot In Herre - Jenny Owen Youngs (basically one of my favorite things of ever)
10. Beat It - Fall Out Boy (love)
11. Another Brick In The Wall - Korn (better than you expect it to be)
12. Working Class Hero - Ozzy (also notable are the Marylin Manson and Cyndi Lauper covers)
13. I Put A Spell On You - She & Him (crazy good)
14. Human Hands - Sondre Lerche (it's just so much easier to understand what Sondre is saying than Costello. also more...whimsical?)
15. My Hero - Paramore (d'awww)
16. Smooth Criminal - 2cellos (instrumental!)
17. Paranoid Android - Weezer (just love Weezer. but they also did a good job on this one)
18. You Really Got a Hold On Me - She & Him (pretty gorgeous. can't get enough)
19. Creep - Amanda Palmer (ukulele!)
20. Just Like A Woman - Jeff Buckley (powerful)


and this is pretty fun...if you love Amanda Fucking Palmer...

Costume Hunting (2013 Edition)

Last Halloween was an epic fail by way of ideas. I scrapped together a Ms. Marvel-esque bunch of bullshit and called it enough. This time I plan on awesomeness. Okay, possibly only awesome to me, but fuck you, who cares what you think! Sorry, got a little over-excited again. Anyway, here are some of my ideas for this year's costume.

1. Mia Wallace (Pulp Fiction)

2. Death (Sandman)

3. Coraline

4. Hit Girl (Kick Ass)

5. Rogue

I am most seriously considering Rogue because my hair is already like hers (for the most part) but that costume is hella fugly. So...I don't know. I only have 20 odd days to get my shit together though, so at least this will give me a start.

Blondie

My experiment with being blonde yielded some interesting results. There were a lot of things being brunette didn't quite prepare me for in the life of blondness. Here are a few notes from my journey as a bleach blonde. I wrote this some time ago when I was still mostly blonde, and don't feel like changing the tenses because I'm a lazy fuck, so enjoy as is!

1. Being of mixed heritage, I normally get questioned "What are you" quite frequently. With blonde hair, I have not been asked that once. Whether I just don't look as ethnic, or whatever, I just don't know. I do know that no random strangers have asked me what I am since dying my hair this light of a hue.

2. People assume blondes are dumb. This is a thing that should be pretty obvious, given all the dumb blonde jokes floating around out there, but really think about it for a minute. Have you thought about it? Don't lie to me, you didn't think about shit, did you? Shut up. Anyway, my point is that I find myself doing the same thing all the time. Not necessarily on purpose, I see a blonde girl and almost automatically think she must be dumb. I use smaller words and over-explain. Well played fate, because this naturally brunette girl has been on the other end of the judgement stick. I find myself constantly having to prove (to strangers) that I am not an idiot, which as a brunette was never a problem. I looked like a nerd, so I must have been smart. Now I apparently look like a dumb blonde.

3. Guys think I am a slut. Okay, I guess this only counts when I'm dressed somewhat nicely, but still. I have been hit on and asked out more as a blonde than as any other hair color. This may or may not be because they think I am a dumb slut. Of course it could just be because I look like less of an introverted bitch. Trick's on you Men at Bars! I'm still an introverted bitch, with all the problems that develop from being an insecure brunette!

4. Blondes get away with more things. For whatever reason(see 2 and 3) people are more inclined to be tolerant of me. People are chattier. Also it appears to have classed me up a bit. Old people seem to not notice my piercings and tattoos as much, which is weird. The brightness of my hair must blind them.

5. Smart girls are wary of blondes. Slutty girls flock to me now. I am a golden lion's mane of fake slutty roar. Drunk bitches also love me now. Okay, drunk bitches have always loved me. Whatever.

6. I think maybe the hair has made me more confident. I feel prettier. I walk more boldly. I preen a little bit. I wear too much bronzer. My old man wardrobe doesn't feel right, the colors clash or something. So I wear semi-mainstream styles. Black (always awesome) looks even better with blonde hair.

7. It's harder to go unnoticed. I think the biggest advantage a short brunette has is the natural sneakiness. I blend with the shadows. I am a ninja. But everyone notices when a blonde enters the room. My hair sucks in all the surrounding light and uses it to glow even brighter. Sometimes I miss being a shadow.

To summarize, it's been fun, but my hair grows like a motherfucker and it's tiring bleaching my hair that much. Think I'll lay off it for a while. Maybe at some point in the future I'll bore everyone to tears with more posts about my hair and the rad colors I dyed it after the blonde. We shall see.

It's All Good

Since my last post was so depressing, I decided to make some lists of things I do actually like about myself and others. But I like myself the most. Ha.

What I Like About Myself:
1. I have very pretty nails
2. How much self-control I do possess
3. That I am okay on my own, need no one to "complete me"
4. I am easily entertained, and rarely bored
5. How good I look with any hair color
6. My dorky sense of humor
7. My (sometimes) angelic voice

What I Like About Others:
1. When they throw out a random compliment and it makes my day better
2. When they are foul mouthed and bitchy in a good way
3. How open and honest they can be, letting me into their world
4. Their little acts of kindness
5. The unexpected thing you have in common with strangers
6. When they are exactly themselves and nothing else with no pretense
7. How resilient their hearts are

So you see, I'm not all bitter and jaded. It's just that sometimes I hate everything/one and sometimes I don't. Hope that cleared things up...but really, whatever.

Sick Of It All

Sometimes my horoscope is oddly accurate. Today is one of those days. It is 7a.m. and I've already been pissier than I should with my boss, and said far too much of what I actually think. Also there's some other shit on my mind that I don't feel like getting into. But here are some lists.

Things I hate about myself:
1. How I nearly cry every time I'm frustrated.
2. How I make up these intricate check/balance systems that no one else follows, because why should they? I'm a crazy person.
3. How easily I become overwhelmed
4. How personally I can take things

Things I hate about other people:
1. How they assume I'm in a bad mood just because I'm actually saying what's on my mind
2. How I'm not given the same consideration I give them
3. How their problems are somehow more valid than mine
4. How quickly they forget

I guess I'm done, I just needed a rant. I'm just sick of work and pretty much everything else in my life. I'm not sure if this is just a bad day or if this is just me. Whatever. I'm going to catch up on some Dexter and then have a nap.

Warped Tour 2013 - Listing

It's probably pretty sad that I'm 25 and this will be the first time I'm going to Warped. I'm just generally not that big into larger concerts. Whatever. I'm pretty psyched right now, so obviously I've been making lists like a motherfucker.

Bands To See:
1. Reel Big Fish
2. Motion City Soundtrack
3. Hawthorne Heights
4. Story of the Year

...and whatever else I catch, because apparently I am so out of touch with modern "punk" that I recognize nearly none of the band's names. Sadly many of the bands I would like to see (Bowling For Soup, The Ataris, 3OH!3) are not playing on the 21st. Big frown.

Shit To Bring:
1. Ticket!
2. Water Bottle
3. Cash/ID
4. Fully Charged Phone
5. Sunscreen
6. SPF Lip Balm
7. Sunglasses
8. Hair-tie
9. Snacks
10. Sharpie
11. Hand Wipes/Tissues
12. Change of clothes (for later)

What To Wear:
1. Chucks
2. Lightweight Clothing
3. Nothing Valuable
4. Minimal Make-up

Hopefully I remember my phone this time and will post some pics later. Also need to bone up on some punk/emo. I'll make a mix tape soonish with the bands that will be there. Thank you, Concert Junkies for the survival guide-age that I've based my own lists upon.

Fun-Sucker

Okay, so July is going to be mildly busy for me. I'm going to Chicago on the 13th to meet up with my Mommy and estranged younger brother. Then the 21st I am hopefully going to Warped Tour in Minnesota. Have to buy my ticket soon, just hoping nothing comes up, like work or Floyd blowing up or some shit. Then Sammi will be back the last weekend of July! Her mommy is having a retirement party. I'm just writing this all here so I won't forget.

Side note: I am a bit of a freak because I fucking hate traveling. I hate driving, I hate new places, I hate hotels, and just generally not being able to shit in my own goddamn house. But I freaking love planning and packing and travel sized things. What the fuck kind of sense does that make? So, yeah, obviously I've been making lists like a motherfucker. Because I'm prone to anxiety and this is my idea of a good time. Why people never believe me when I tell them I'm a fun-sucker, I do not know.

I'm also the girl who always has a band-aid and McGyver-esque skills with a safety pin. Just so you know.

Then there's work...where a lady we basically just hired, quit today. This past Saturday, she called in "sick". Later that day, Erin (the girl cop) came in asking where she lived b/c she was sighted with some guys in a car throwing rocks at the Hardies??? So then Erin goes to her house, where she finds our 50 year old new hire drunk off her ass, playing hooky. Jodi had to cover her shift (overnight) so, obviously she was a little angry. However, summer is a horrible time to be short of employees, because everyone wants to take vacation (I want to take a vacation) so she was just going to write her up and scold her. But Jodi had a bad feeling about her still, so she calls her today to make sure she's coming in for her shift tonight. Her reply is basically just "NO". What a rude fucking cunt.

So I guess at least I'll have plenty of hours this month. I'm just hoping I still get my weekends off that I asked for. So I can go on vacation and have a couple anxiety attacks. I mean fun, have some fun.

PostSecret Love

Okay, so I've been following PostSecret for something like 10 years now and am still in love with the site and the premise. I've fallen behind on checking it recently, but today I found a few to fall in love with:

Bro, you smell like ass. Take a shower.

*such a beautiful disaster*

Boner.

Sammi?

Negativity

This is going to be a weird, rambly post because it's hard for me to explain, but here I go. Lately, everyone has been posting on Facebook and just bitching in general about how they are going to "cut the negativity out of their lives." Which, to be perfectly honest, just confuses me a little. What exactly is the negativity that you are cutting out of your life? Because all I hear is "Waaaaaaaaa!"

Pictured: positive thinking.

I really do mean this in the nicest way possible, but all I can think every time I hear someone say that phrase is grow the fuck up. Which is just a little ridiculous because I am normally in no way shape or form what you would refer to as a grown up. Some of these people are my best friends. Nice, fabulous people, and I just happen to want to throw up on them every time I hear about "positive thinking" or whatever. It's like a fucking religion that they feel like impressing upon everyone around them. Thank you for wanting the best for me, I want that for you too, but I would like to not subscribe to your flawed, bullshit philosophy.

I mean, personally I like to look at both sides of a situation, weigh possible outcomes and then let myself feel bad if I've made a poor choice. Because I feel there is value to actually feeling something, as opposed to brainwashing myself into being okay with everything.

Pictured: positive thinking.

And then there's these sayings:
"Negative ppl are like rotten apples...they are good for nothing at all...and if you stay around them too long they will rub off on you!" #staypositive (sounds kinky)

"Negative people need drama like oxygen. Stay positive, it will take their breath away." (because suffocation is what positivism is all about)

"Good things will come to you if you focus on the positives and let go of the negatives." (this is scientifically proven!!! lol j/k)

"Negative thoughts only have one purpose: To destroy you!" (ugh)

"Overthinking leads to negative thoughts." (just don't think at all, you'll be the happiest!)

Fucking blow me.

I guess my biggest problem with it, however, is how people treat it like magic. "Just believe you can and you will!" has got to be one of the biggest fucking piles of shit I've ever heard. Because you know what? No. Just no. There are more factors. I'm not necessarily a negative person, but I have my moments. I like my negative moments. I learn from them. In general, however, I'm a realist. In my world, just believing you can is not sufficient to, say, winning a race. Or flying. Or any fucking number of other things. If you are no fucking good at it, and you don't practice, you can have all the positivity in the world, but you are still probably gonna fail. Good things do not just happen because you want them to happen.

I mean, okay. I have met some people who really love singing. And they have been taking lessons their whole lives. And they are incredibly driven and ambitious and positive. Guess what? They still fucking suck at singing. Caterwauling is about as close as they get. I'm not saying they should stop singing, if that's what they love doing. I'm saying, believing you can be good at something, doesn't make it so. And pushing away all the people who give you negative feedback...doesn't necessarily make any difference in the result. Except that you get this distorted perception of life, and then go on American Idol and make a total ass of yourself in front of the whole wide world.

Which I guess is what the whole positive movement is about...Perception. If you think you shit rainbows, maybe, in your own mind at least, you do. And if it makes you feel better, and better is what you want to feel, go ahead. I just don't feel like it's addressing the main issues at hand. And I think it's ignoring all the good things that can come from negativity. Negativity sort of forces you to look at and question yourself and others. You are literally seeing things in a different perspective. That is a good thing. It is healthy. I don't feel you can achieve any personal growth without both the good and the bad in life. This includes the "bad" or "negative" people. Because there's something you can learn from them too.

Of course, maybe I'm taking this all too literally and they just mean they're not going to eat at McDonald's anymore or something. In which case...yeah. Go you. Your arteries will probably thank you.

Papa's Day

Growing up, my Papa (what I call my father) influenced me in ways I wouldn't recognize until now-ish. I had an unusual childhood, but I'm grateful for it. My bedtime stories were from Ray Bradbury and Stephen King anthologies, we watched Star Trek and Outer Limits together, and I'd fall asleep to him playing the guitar. We'd take long walks and he'd always listen to my slowly forming opinions and interests. Even now, I can talk on the phone with him for hours and never run out of things to say.

My Papa is probably one of my best friends, and always will be. I am so proud of him for putting together his music and finally having it recorded. Now I can listen to it on YouTube or his music page on Facebook whenever I miss him.

Songspiration?

I'm pretty sure I'm singing in this year's Humboldt Idol at Downtown Sounds on July 5th. I say "pretty sure" because I'm not quite sure what to sing. By which I mean, of course, literally every song I sing well has suddenly fled my brain. Are there songs I sing well? Are they appropriate for a mock singing competition? What exactly do people sing at these things? I have watched maybe one episode of American Idol...I get the premise, but yeah.

I think I'm just making this harder than it needs to be (that's what she said), it is just a Chamber of Commerce event. But still. I will have some fierce competition with my Errrrique and his cousin singing as well. They sing like little angels.

So, if anyone can give me any song ideas...that would be greaaaaat. Just, ya know, not crappy songs.

MPGIS Season 2

"I don't know if you know this, but most guys don't want to fuck a girl with no arms. And the guys that do are very strange." -Deandra

Fuck yeah! The Most Popular Girls In School is back! I mean, technically they've been back for a couple months now, but I just decided to look it up yesterday. Episodes 14-25 now available. New episodes every Tuesday!

It is, how do you say, awesome?

Hating on Facebook - 2

You know what really grinds my gears? People trying to hook-up over Facebook.

I've learned that the only time a male messages you on Facebook is when he's looking for a hook-up. When did this become a thing exactly? When people stopped using MySpace? It just strikes me as a bit odd. Also, horribly offensive. Who do you think I am? Why are you so desperate? Leave me alone. Below are a few annoying examples.

1. The first time this ever happened to me, a person I know from high-school chatted me at 5a.m., which is basically noon for me. This person and I don't ever talk, I only even see him at the bar or at work.

Guy: what up hannah
Me: oh just bumming around. you?
Guy: boooooooored. what are you doing up?
Me: I just don't sleep. What are you doing up?
Guy: bored. can't sleep.
Me: well, ya know what cures boredom? sleeping!
Guy: so does a lot of other fun things but theres not a female here
Me: lol. so have fun with yourself?
Guy: just not as fun id rather have the real thing
Me: well, you can't always get what you want.
Guy: I want fun tho:( you wanna have fun hannah?
Me: Are you propositioning me? This is like the 8th time this week that's happened. Do I have a fucking sign on my head???
Guy: I take that as a no?
Me: pretty much :)
Guy:    :(

That was sort of a rough week for me. Everyone was mistaking me for a prostitute.

2. This happens sometimes...

Random Male Acquaintance: so I'm single now, wanna chill sometime?
Random Male Acquaintance: (a week later) my offer still stands...
Me: No thank you.
Random Male Acquaintance: k thanks for being honest.

Sometimes, guys with girlfriends hit on me. I tell them "ew! you have a girlfriend." That's not actually why I don't want to sleep with them. I don't want to sleep with them because they are slimeballs. But all they hear is the girlfriend thing. So they think now that they're single I will go for them? Dude, you don't even have my number. When I don't like you enough to even give you my phone number, just assume I do not want to sleep with you.

3. The most annoying to me is when people I don't know, and won't add because I don't know them, message me anyway and ask to talk.

Random Male: Hey what's up? I'm a good friend of (person I know-ish). We just met at your workplace.
Me: Um. Hi.
Random Male: Can we talk and get to know each other?
Me: I'm a lesbian.
Random Male: So we can't even talk and be friends?
Random Male: You there?

What a needy creeper. No, we can't talk. I barely text my actual friends, talking on FB is super inconvenient since I don't have the FB messenger app, I'm at work, and I don't want to know you. I just met you ten minutes ago and you have already virtually stalked me. Also, you are ugly. Let's just call it "never meant to be" and leave it.

4. And then there's this guy who used to be a regular at the gas station, so I kinda knew him. I thought he was dating someone I knew. He asked if he could add me on Facebook, so I was like, whatever. Then a day later he sends this.

Random Douche: Hi Hannah :) If you wanna txt me my number is 1515-XXX-XXXX. I haven't been on here very much lately.

Yeah. That's gonna happen...NOT. Why would you tell me to add you on Facebook to then tell me you don't go on Facebook, and give me your number instead? Why on earth would I want to text you? Nice try, guy.

5. This most recent offender was another kid I went to school with and haven't talked to in forever.

Random Male Acquaintance: What's up beautiful
Me: looking up random old school computer games with some friends. you?
Random Male Acquaintance: just laying in bed now bored.

Aaaaaand you mentioned bed, used the word "laying" improperly, and called me "beautiful" (which may just be a personal turn off for me, but whatever). Not talking to you anymore. See, I'm getting better at early detection! Hilariously enough, he messaged my friend a few days later and said she sounded like a kinky girl and that he'd rock her world. Ugh. Just, ugh.

May Remembers

I haven't really posted this month. I've been in a weird mood. In May I feel like I get to be openly sad without being a freak. Maybe that's not actually true because after 8 years  people might think it's insincere. But it's not. To contradict myself a sentence later, I guess it's not exactly sadness anymore, though. It's more...reflection. I just like to reflect upon the sadness. Remember my time with Chad. Remember losing Chad.

remember to never lose this comic.

I go back to my old blog and read through 2005. Remember how Chad influenced my life. Remember when Chad told me he was gay. Remember our car rides. Remember who I was at that time. It's strange to remember feeling all those things, being in those places, but also feel strangely disconnected with that girl that was me. That embarrassingly open book of a girl. That dumb girl. That naive girl. That awkward girl. I don't see much of her in myself anymore...even though I am still sort of all those things.

May is a time of learning. Learning to move through life again, like I did all those years ago. Learning that I can make new habits, form new friendships. And I can lose them all and still exist. May is a time of acceptance, and defiance, and happiness amidst the shitty. May is a time of many cigarettes.

Sugar Rush

I'm in a pretty great mood right now. Maybe it's because I just got done watching 3 seasons of The Guild with Tyler, and also consumed way too much sugar (Coke). I am super sad this is probably the last season. But anyway, Tyler's into this MMO, Neverwinter, and got me really psyched to try it...then I get home and can't download it b/c my computer tells me there's a virus in the download. Fail. Whatever, I'll figure it out later. Not gonna bring me down.

I worked out yesterday, so I feel like sitting on my ass and drawing is a valid option for today. I have been seriously slacking in the artsy department lately, but I feel it's been balanced out by the devotion I've shown in attending music events.

LAZERfest was pretty great; got trashed, got a sunburn, almost got smushed to death, made out with a guy from my high school days randomly, went home, passed out. Good day. Then Sunday I went to Byron's in Pomeroy, Ia to watch The Sundogs. Mostly Dan Lodden just decided to kidnap me out there, but it was a good time. Byron is super nice and his bar is actually a pretty rad atmosphere. Live music most Sundays, so I might try to make it out there again at some point.

Memorial Weekend I might try to make it out to that thing at the Meadow, and then June 1st there's that thing at the Ballroom. Not to overwhelm everyone with specificity, or anything. But I'm pumped. Last year, nearly all my plans to do things fell through for various reasons, so I'm just trying to make the most out of this one.

And not cry myself to sleep every night from missing my BFFF who will be in New York all summer interning and just being generally awesome. Away from me. But don't cry for me Argentina, I've decided this summer is going to be rad.

Although, that could just be the sugar talking.

Random Childhood Memory

When I was 6 or 7, I was at a Thanksgiving at my Great Uncle Manson's house (I used to call him Uncle Mansion...he had a big house). All the children went out when it got dark and were playing flashlight tag. At some point, this got boring, so they decided to play a different game. I don't know what you call it, but one cousin grabbed my hands, the other my legs, and they picked me up and started swinging me.

this, sans black guy jumping around.

This was probably the most terrifying thing I had experienced at that point in my life. I don't know why, but probably because I gave neither my consent, nor would they let me go when they heard me screaming and crying. They just laughed. I should mention they were all quite a bit older than me, 10 or 12 maybe. When they finally put me down I'm pretty sure I ran to the grown-ups, sitting with them the rest of the night. I remember feeling shame at being so helpless, and rage at their ridicule. Rage at the way the grown-ups dismissed what I felt was a great indignity.

I saw that GIF the other day and it brought that terror and shame back to me in a perplexing flash.

Looking back on this, I realize the only reason I reacted that way was because I was singularly unused to other children. I was an only child still, I had no close relations my age around, and my friends were church kids. Every childhood indignity was deeply traumatizing to me because of my lack of interaction with other children. Now that I'm older, I can set it on a grander scale and say I probably still struggle with this as an adult. Which is just a little ridiculous, I think.

Sleepless Saturday

Saturday was a long freaking day. I worked Friday overnight, so just stayed up all day since the way everything was scheduled would make sleeping an impossibility. I did accomplish a decent amount, however, so I guess all's well that ends well.

First, Kari and I got our hair cut, then had some Lomitas(yum!). Then we trekked to Algona and got some pretty sweet tattoos from Jesse Willison. So glad he's already super good. Also, so sorry we took ten freaking years. Don't know how that happened. Pretty sure he hates me now for all the tiny fucking lines.

palm sized.

Then, next door at the Afterlife was Battle of the Bands, where I got super trashed trying to battle my severe sleepiness. These bands were the highlight of the night for me:

Twenty 2 Salute is always a good time (if you know what I mean *winkwink*) (I mean they are good with their hands) (on guitars and such) (this is so much dirtier than if I had just said nothing) but I was also glad I caught Smoothwood because I've been into classic punk sounds recently. I think we got back to town around 2ish? I was mostly off my face at that point. So of course I went to an afterparty to annoy people. At least I saw Clinty there, love him. Think I got home at 5am or so. Halfway through a slice of pizza, I finally passed out.

Anyway, I think being out and about was good for me as I haven't really socialized in a long while. Mostly I've just been too lazy. Think I'm returning to lazy because now I'm just at this point where I should do dishes and laundry, but won't. All I've done the past two days is work and watch Hemlock Grove. And my back hurts. And it feels like someone shot me in the arm. I mean, I paid someone to basically stab me in the arm a bunch of times, but still. Why you hurt so much, little heart?

Also, my hair is purple...but more on that later.

Lazerfest 2013 Mix

It appears that I am finally going to Lazerfest this year. For the first time. WTF? I know. I've just never really felt like it/had to work every other time. This year, my Cathy's BFF, Katie, is coming to town for it, so I'm really excited. For Katie. Not so much for the musical line-up (I've not been as into rock as I used to be)...but, that's what this mix is for. To get me pumped. I guess.

I'm not buying an Affliction shirt, though.

1. Man in the Box- Alice In Chains (Cha! Sha-wing!)
2. Last Resort - Papa Roach (I know this one!)
3. Glycerine - Bush (never been a huge fan, but mmm...Gavin Rossdale...)
4. You're Going Down - Sick Puppies (I do like them a bit)
5. Heaven Nor Hell - Volbeat (his voice annoys me for some reason, but they aren't bad)
6. Vilify - Device (is that the guy from Disturbed?)(yes. yes it is)
7. I Get Off - Halestorm (forgot I liked them)
8. Bones - Young Guns (never heard b4...but I kinda like it) (breaking benjamin-esque)
9. Two Weeks - All That Remains (possibly the only song of theirs I know)
10. The Final Episode - Asking Alexandria (asking who? oh, screamo)
11. In Due Time - Killswitch Engage (I've heard of them...more screamo)
12. War of Change - TFK (what does this remind me of? Linkin Park?)(Christian rock Canadians)
13. Oh You Petty Failures - Blood N Stuff (okay)
14. Fatal - Fatal Addiction (Winner of Battle of the Bands for opening band)

Summer Dreams

Spring has finally arrived! I'm not a huge fan of spring in general, but I will acknowledge it's much superior position over winter. I know, nothing's more annoying than someone bitching about winter. Especially when you live in a snowy region. It happens every year, get over it! Right? But I seriously hate winter. I also seriously hate extreme heat, so, no I will not move to a southern state. I will deal with the Iowa winter, and just bitch about it like everyone else.

I don't know if we had an especially long winter this year, but it felt like it. Which means I am just so fucking thrilled it's not snowing and ball shrinkingly cold, that I will accept whatever other weather the year throws at me. Just not more snow. Minimal wind until the peak of summer would also be nice. Weather Gods.

Anyway, I'm in a bit of a summer mindset right now. I cannot stop thinking about swimming, sunbathing, concerts, walking, and biking. And my bank account is soon to hate me for all the summer things I want to buy: Short pants, bright shirts, light nail polishes, suntan lotion. Also a bike. I have been obsessing over this idea. It burns in me. I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike...but I need one first. And I'm looking at them all and I just can't decide between a cruiser and a mountain bike. I mean, the mountain bike would be more practical...but the cruiser is so cute...and it has a basket. A basket!

So, as with all tough decisions, I'll probably just eenie-meenie-minie-moe that shit.

Currently it is raining and grey outside, but that's okay. I like the rain. I just have to remember not to wear my Chucks and I'm good. Just know that I'm dreaming of the summer...

Fascinating Creatures

These are my favorite creatures and why I find them so fascinating.

1. Jellyfish 

I've always found these creatures so fascinating because of what they look like, obviously. They are gorgeous and weird and alien to me. They float hither thither, gelatinous umbrellas with long electric kite strings instead of handles. Wikipedia tells me they are the "oldest multi-organ animal" having been around for "possibly 700 million years or more," which is just a little creepy and awesome.

There is an UberFacts going around on Twitter stating they are biologically immortal...which is only slightly misleading because it's one specific type of Jelly under laboratory conditions. It is still super cool to think about.

2. Hummingbirds

This is a beautiful bird that I've always admired for it's fragility. They drink nectar because they love sugar for energy, but also eat insects for nutrients. Most interesting to me is the way they fly, their figure 8 pattern. This is an egocentric fascination because 8 is a recurring and defining number in my life. They are also the only bird that can "hover" and fly backwards.

3. Octopuses

Equally cool and terrifying to me. They have 3 hearts, 8 arms, and are fairly smart for an invertebrate. Other neat attributes of the octopus include the ink sack, which can be used as a decoy or as a sensory inhibitor, and their camouflaging color/texture changing abilities. They can also employ arm autonomy as a distraction. Should an octopus ever get it's tentacles on you, it would also taste you via it's suction cups' chemoreceptors. What a perv.

Anyway, I'm afraid of the ocean, and the octopus is a big part of that. Or maybe it's just Disney's fault for basically making Ursula one.

Fucking Disney.

4. Cats

Revered in Egypt long ago, not much has really changed with their status. No matter how many people claim to hate them, the internet still clearly worships at their furry altar.

I don't really need to tell you about them, everyone knows the pros and cons of cats. I will say I am a cat devotee, ever more so than to dogs in my adoration. Though they have been "domestic" creatures for about 10,000 years, they still manage to be less irritatingly needy than their canine adversary. This is what mostly endears me, their stand-offish "fuck you" attitude, which may actually say a lot more about my own nature than theirs. Because when a cat does confer it's attention to you, you feel important and special.

Cats are why I like assholes. Sorry "nice guys."

Too bad I am allergic to cats. It is the greatest of my #firstworldproblems.

5. Bees

The majority of my childhood summers were spent in fear of these incredible creatures. Mostly due to being traumatized by the movie My Girl.

I have still not experienced a bee sting, and I still dread the possibility of it happening. However, I am also more respectful of the occurrence. The bee's social structure is perhaps the most notable thing about their behavior and it has always interested me. Also, the honey factor. Then, of course, there is the school-born love derived from a music class where we rocked out to "The Flight of the Bumblebee" on a variety of instruments. Welcome to my nerdy childhood.

The declining number of Bumblebees is of great mystery and concern to our generation. It is most likely due to humans being dicks, like most other ecological concerns. As the Einstein quote (that may or may not have been from Einstein) implies, the loss of these fabulous little insects would be devastating. I love honey, is what I'm trying to say here.

Yes I Remember

This is what I feel like everyday...

read octopuspie.com !

Oh, the 90's.

Beer Me, I'm Irish Mix

To honor St. Patrick's Day...obviously, a bunch of drinking songs. I'll probably hear "Red Solo Cup" eight million times at the bar tonight, but I'd rather hear these...

1. Beer Is Good - PsychoStick (so good)
2. Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced - Dropkick Murphys (So kiss me, I'm shitfaced, I'm soaked, I'm soiled and brown)
3. Beer - Reel Big Fish
4. Drink - They Might Be Giants (let's drink! drink! This town is so great!)
5. Streams of Whiskey - The Pogues
6. Alcohol - Barenaked Ladies
7. Another Irish Drinking Song - Da Vinci's Notebook
8. Too Drunk To Fuck - Dead Kennedys
9. Fuck You, I'm Drunk - Bondo (and I'm going to be drunk 'til the next time I'm drunk!)
10. Beer, Beer, Beer - Flogging Molly
11. Who Spilt My Beer? - The Adicts
12. Beercan - Beck
13. Tubthumping - Chumbawumba (pissing the night away...)
14. Hooray For Beer - Bowling For Soup
15. Cigarettes & Alcohol - Oasis
16. Pretty Fucked Up - Faster Pussycat (she used to be pretty, but now she's just pretty fucked up)
17. Have A Drink On Me - AC/DC
18. Wasted - Black Flag
19. Alcohol - Gogol Bordello (a love ballad...to alcohol)

Expectations

Last night was...interesting. Okay, not really, but it did deviate slightly from the norm. By that I mean my car is stuck on some snow/ice. I spent 20 or so minutes trying to shovel my way out, only to find that the snow I needed to get rid of was underneath my car. I was not moving. Luckily a co-worker hadn't gone to sleep yet, so she took me to work.

Cooler truck comes on Thursdays, so I spent the majority of my shift organizing that pile of crap. Because it was a disaster. To be perfectly honest, I actively discourage everyone else from organizing in there because they all suck at it. I like everything to be where I like it. Also it just makes everything 1000 times more consistently in the same place. New people come in and think they can just throw shit wherever, but then it's harder to find and therefore stupid. Sorry, just my organizational OCD (anal retentive self-superiority) kicking in. I know nobody really cares about this, but I have a system and it is awesome. Don't fuck with my system.

Anyway, so I spend the night dealing with that shit-fest, and then get the breakfast items ready, deal with customers, do some of the books. My boss comes in miffy that I didn't get all of the books done. I did half of them, but apparently that is not good enough. All I can feel is indignation. Last time I checked, I am not a manager of any sort. I don't need to do the books, I do them so I can get out of work on time. Otherwise she makes me stay for however goddamned long it takes her to do them. So, it's not like I expect her to thank me when I do them, I would just like to not get bitched at for not doing something I don't have to do in the first place. Would that be too much to ask? Apparently.

So I guess the moral of this story is, don't do things. Not even if you're paid for them. Because then you are the target of expectations. Also, don't get your car stuck on a snowbank that turns to ice, it's a pain in the ass.

The Exhausting Borg

I am not a technologically advanced person. That's not to say I'm totally perplexed by it all, I'm just not that great at it. For example, all the social platforms (facebook, twitter, g+, tumblr) sort of exhaust me. I don't know if anyone else my age feels this way, but in this computer heavy era I feel obligated to bone up on the social mediums. I feel like this might come in handy later in life when I have something to use them all for, but right now it's just a bit pointless and tiring. I feel it's my duty in some way to read all my feeds, to update, to be informed...and it's making me hate everything.

Everything.

The burden of the information era is knowing so little of consequence. It all has to be known. Why? Why do I need to know? I don't particularly care, so what's the point of it all? Currently it's just acting as a filler. I mean, I don't really do anything like go to school or talk to people, so I suppose it inhabits that space. That space that isn't all about me. The "me" space is my blogs...of which I have far too many(much?). But I can't really help that, I've always been far too introspective and I don't necessarily mind that.

I'm just having a spot of trouble juggling all of this technology. I feel like the internet is the Borg, processing and organizing, analyzing but never really feeling. I am a part of this vast network of collected peoples and resistance is futile. Negotiation is irrelevant, I will be assimilated. I already am.

Le Tired, Like, Emotionally

I am so tired. Like, emotionally more than physically...but my emotions don't really respond to caffeine quite the same way my body does. So there's that. I've just finished working a bunch of days in a row. I hate working more than 3 days in a row. I know that sounds pathetic to all you people with normal jobs, but I've been a part-timer for basically my whole working life. So working everyday is just not what I do. Add to the frustration the fact that half those shifts were not my own, but rather due to cowhorekers being sickly, flaky, or pussies, and I'm just ready to burn the place down.

Luckily, I now have 3 days off. I was thinking about doing productive things, but I'll probably just lie about watching Netflix so I don't have to deal with the world. Maybe draw something, if an idea of what to draw ever enters my head. I haven't really told many people this (mostly b/c I attempt this every other year and it never goes anywhere) but I'm trying (once again) to get a comic going. I mean, the end goal is to make it into a web-comic and be generally awesome like that. The reality is...4 pages of drawings and I'm hitting a wall. This is usually when I switch my focus to another artistic endeavor that goes nowhere, and etc...until eventually I forget where the comic even is.

But this time, I feel like it could go somewhere. Possibly, maybe. And I want to see where that somewhere is. Over the rainbow? Probably not, but the thought gives me this tiny flutter in my chest that I dimly recall  hope and excitement feeling like. Or indigestion? Whatever. I'm going to keep chugging on with this one. It's just that being creative is so hard! I mean it's awesome and deeply rewarding to create, but it's also a truly harrowing process of waiting for inspiration and hoping that when it does come, you have the time to follow where it leads.

At least that's my process. Which, as we've discussed, doesn't really work very well. So...I'll just shut-up now.

Deep Dicking Chasing Amy

I was going to write this post forever ago, but got incredibly lazy. But anyway, a while ago I was watching some Kevin Smith "Evening" stuff on YouTube and came across this portion of a night:

And this is what led me to re-watch Chasing Amy (and kindle my fanaticism with the song Joey Lauren Adams sings). It had been a few years since I saw the movie last and I'm not incredibly sure how long it had been since I'd seen it sober, so I'd forgotten some things. I'll give Lela the benefit of the doubt by assuming the last and only time she'd seen it was 4 years prior to this video. Because if she had re-watched it as I did, she would realize she doesn't even have a question there.

Because, to me it least, Chasing Amy isn't even a lesbian movie. I mean, it starts out with Alyssa identifying as a lesbian, but in the end (Spoilers! on a 15 year old movie...) we find that Alyssa is just curious and open to whatever. She was really just misrepresenting herself. As she explains later, it was a process. Which is mostly where I'm at, but I digress.

"I came to this on my own terms...the way the world is, how seldom it is that you meet that one person who just gets you -- it's so rare...to cut one's self off from finding that person, to immediately halve your options by eliminating the possibility of finding that one person within your own gender, that just seems stupid to me. So I didn't. But then you came along. You, the one least likely. I mean, you were a guy...And while I was falling for you, I put a ceiling on that because you were a guy. Until I remembered why I opened the door to women in the first place. To not limit the likelihood of finding that one person who'd complement me so completely. So here we are. I was thorough when I looked for you. And I feel justified lying in your arms 'cause I got here on my own terms and I have no question in someplace I didn't look. For me that makes all the difference." -Alyssa

"All a lesbian needs is a good deep dicking" is not what Kevin Smith was saying at all. If anything, he was telling a story about one lesbian falling in love with a man. One isolated event, that is entirely possible, assuming that person was open to that possibility. Which I believe Alyssa was, obviously. Almost anecdotal, I would say. This movie is about sexual fluidity. Love in a gender-free form. Or at least that's what I took away from it. But what do I know? Maybe the message was offensive. Some people will take offense to anything, even possibly the most interesting love story I've seen yet.

Between the dick and fart jokes, there is wisdom to be had. Love me some Kevin Smith.

Sexin' Mix

In honor of Valentine's Day, here are some songs I find sexxxy. Don't be judging my penchant for high pitches and raw guitars.

1. Madness - Muse (smexxy. I explained this more in my other post)
2. Hey - Pixies (he says "whores" a lot, maybe it's subliminally sexy?)
3. Never Met A Girl Like You Before - Iggy & The Stooges (pretty sure this is in many movie montages demonstrating sexiness. And drugs, but whatever)
4. Kiss - Prince (say what you like about the Artist Known As, but he can make a girl feel things)
5. One More Night - Maroon 5 (Adam Levine, mmm)
6. I'm Your Man - Leonard Cohen (this man is clearly up for anything, hubba hubba)
7. Crimson & Clover - Joan Jett and the Blackhearts (I'd tap that)
8. Kiss with a Fist - Florence + The Machine (I'm really not sure why. S&M?)
9. El Scorcho - Weezer (boner fully detailed in another post)
10. Add It Up - Violent Femmes (I look at your pants and I need a kiss)
11. I Never - Rilo Kiley (sincerity is sexy)
12. I'll Try Anything Once - Julian Casablancas (anything he sings really. just orgasm central)
13. Howlin' For You - The Black Keys (mmmm)
14. Slow Like Honey - Fiona Apple (it's my big secret, keeping you coming slow like honey, heavy w mood)


Of course sexy means different things to different people (and possibly genders) so you may not agree with my picks. I urge you to tell me your sexxxy songs! Also, you know, have a really sexy time listening to these songs.