Forgiveness

for·give

  [fer-giv]  Show IPA

verb (used with object), for·gave, for·giv·en, for·giv·ing.

1.

to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.);absolve.

2.

to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation,etc.).

3.

to grant pardon to (a person).

4.

to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies.

5.

to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interestowed on a loan.

Forgiveness seems to be an act that is an essential part of most religions and a core concept for happiness in countless modern self-help arenas. I really can't deny that it may reduce stress and give someone a healthier happier outlook. That being said, I have trouble with forgiveness. I am no longer affiliated with any religion, and I pretty much hate "self-help" philosophies. So, what is the point of forgiveness to me?

I find value in other people forgiving me for my many shortcomings, obviously, because I benefit from it. But what good has forgiving others ever given me? Or I guess, more to the point, have I ever actually forgiven anyone at all? Recently I've tried to become more generally accepting of people for who they are, which includes the myriad of questionable choices and actions they make. But is accepting the same as forgiving? It sure as hell doesn't mean I like them. It just means I acknowledge that they are who they are and will do what they will. 

I think forgiving must be something else altogether. Something I may never have done. 

I don't forgive that girl for stealing away my toy and playing "keep away" with it. I don't forgive my golden cousin for being a dickface. I don't forgive boys who break my heart. I don't forgive friends who treat me badly. I just sort of keep it in a file with their name on it. Here are the transgressions that go along with these people. I try to learn from the things that have hurt me, and I don't let them go. If I do, it's just sort of like asking to be hurt again.

"They" say that forgiving yourself is pretty important too. Again, I'm just at this point where I understand my actions at the time I made/make them and understand that's just something I did. Positively or negatively, I accept that I made that choice because that was the one I thought was best at the time.

So maybe that is forgiveness? Because there is no real resentment in much of my checklist. Just a sort of wary accountability. But what then would be unforgivable? Is it even a concept by my way of thinking?

Just another example of me making what is supposed to be a simple concept into a complex issue. Thank you, good night!