You know what really grinds my gears? People trying to hook-up over Facebook.
I've learned that the only time a male messages you on Facebook is when he's looking for a hook-up. When did this become a thing exactly? When people stopped using MySpace? It just strikes me as a bit odd. Also, horribly offensive. Who do you think I am? Why are you so desperate? Leave me alone. Below are a few annoying examples.
1. The first time this ever happened to me, a person I know from high-school chatted me at 5a.m., which is basically noon for me. This person and I don't ever talk, I only even see him at the bar or at work.
Guy: what up hannah
Me: oh just bumming around. you?
Guy: boooooooored. what are you doing up?
Me: I just don't sleep. What are you doing up?
Guy: bored. can't sleep.
Me: well, ya know what cures boredom? sleeping!
Guy: so does a lot of other fun things but theres not a female here
Me: lol. so have fun with yourself?
Guy: just not as fun id rather have the real thing
Me: well, you can't always get what you want.
Guy: I want fun tho:( you wanna have fun hannah?
Me: Are you propositioning me? This is like the 8th time this week that's happened. Do I have a fucking sign on my head???
Guy: I take that as a no?
Me: pretty much :)
Guy: :(
That was sort of a rough week for me. Everyone was mistaking me for a prostitute.
2. This happens sometimes...
Random Male Acquaintance: so I'm single now, wanna chill sometime?
Random Male Acquaintance: (a week later) my offer still stands...
Me: No thank you.
Random Male Acquaintance: k thanks for being honest.
Sometimes, guys with girlfriends hit on me. I tell them "ew! you have a girlfriend." That's not actually why I don't want to sleep with them. I don't want to sleep with them because they are slimeballs. But all they hear is the girlfriend thing. So they think now that they're single I will go for them? Dude, you don't even have my number. When I don't like you enough to even give you my phone number, just assume I do not want to sleep with you.
3. The most annoying to me is when people I don't know, and won't add because I don't know them, message me anyway and ask to talk.
Random Male: Hey what's up? I'm a good friend of (person I know-ish). We just met at your workplace.
Me: Um. Hi.
Random Male: Can we talk and get to know each other?
Me: I'm a lesbian.
Random Male: So we can't even talk and be friends?
Random Male: You there?
What a needy creeper. No, we can't talk. I barely text my actual friends, talking on FB is super inconvenient since I don't have the FB messenger app, I'm at work, and I don't want to know you. I just met you ten minutes ago and you have already virtually stalked me. Also, you are ugly. Let's just call it "never meant to be" and leave it.
4. And then there's this guy who used to be a regular at the gas station, so I kinda knew him. I thought he was dating someone I knew. He asked if he could add me on Facebook, so I was like, whatever. Then a day later he sends this.
Random Douche: Hi Hannah :) If you wanna txt me my number is 1515-XXX-XXXX. I haven't been on here very much lately.
Yeah. That's gonna happen...NOT. Why would you tell me to add you on Facebook to then tell me you don't go on Facebook, and give me your number instead? Why on earth would I want to text you? Nice try, guy.
5. This most recent offender was another kid I went to school with and haven't talked to in forever.
Random Male Acquaintance: What's up beautiful
Me: looking up random old school computer games with some friends. you?
Random Male Acquaintance: just laying in bed now bored.
Aaaaaand you mentioned bed, used the word "laying" improperly, and called me "beautiful" (which may just be a personal turn off for me, but whatever). Not talking to you anymore. See, I'm getting better at early detection! Hilariously enough, he messaged my friend a few days later and said she sounded like a kinky girl and that he'd rock her world. Ugh. Just, ugh.
I've learned that the only time a male messages you on Facebook is when he's looking for a hook-up. When did this become a thing exactly? When people stopped using MySpace? It just strikes me as a bit odd. Also, horribly offensive. Who do you think I am? Why are you so desperate? Leave me alone. Below are a few annoying examples.
1. The first time this ever happened to me, a person I know from high-school chatted me at 5a.m., which is basically noon for me. This person and I don't ever talk, I only even see him at the bar or at work.
Guy: what up hannah
Me: oh just bumming around. you?
Guy: boooooooored. what are you doing up?
Me: I just don't sleep. What are you doing up?
Guy: bored. can't sleep.
Me: well, ya know what cures boredom? sleeping!
Guy: so does a lot of other fun things but theres not a female here
Me: lol. so have fun with yourself?
Guy: just not as fun id rather have the real thing
Me: well, you can't always get what you want.
Guy: I want fun tho:( you wanna have fun hannah?
Me: Are you propositioning me? This is like the 8th time this week that's happened. Do I have a fucking sign on my head???
Guy: I take that as a no?
Me: pretty much :)
Guy: :(
That was sort of a rough week for me. Everyone was mistaking me for a prostitute.
2. This happens sometimes...
Random Male Acquaintance: so I'm single now, wanna chill sometime?
Random Male Acquaintance: (a week later) my offer still stands...
Me: No thank you.
Random Male Acquaintance: k thanks for being honest.
Sometimes, guys with girlfriends hit on me. I tell them "ew! you have a girlfriend." That's not actually why I don't want to sleep with them. I don't want to sleep with them because they are slimeballs. But all they hear is the girlfriend thing. So they think now that they're single I will go for them? Dude, you don't even have my number. When I don't like you enough to even give you my phone number, just assume I do not want to sleep with you.
3. The most annoying to me is when people I don't know, and won't add because I don't know them, message me anyway and ask to talk.
Random Male: Hey what's up? I'm a good friend of (person I know-ish). We just met at your workplace.
Me: Um. Hi.
Random Male: Can we talk and get to know each other?
Me: I'm a lesbian.
Random Male: So we can't even talk and be friends?
Random Male: You there?
What a needy creeper. No, we can't talk. I barely text my actual friends, talking on FB is super inconvenient since I don't have the FB messenger app, I'm at work, and I don't want to know you. I just met you ten minutes ago and you have already virtually stalked me. Also, you are ugly. Let's just call it "never meant to be" and leave it.
4. And then there's this guy who used to be a regular at the gas station, so I kinda knew him. I thought he was dating someone I knew. He asked if he could add me on Facebook, so I was like, whatever. Then a day later he sends this.
Random Douche: Hi Hannah :) If you wanna txt me my number is 1515-XXX-XXXX. I haven't been on here very much lately.
Yeah. That's gonna happen...NOT. Why would you tell me to add you on Facebook to then tell me you don't go on Facebook, and give me your number instead? Why on earth would I want to text you? Nice try, guy.
5. This most recent offender was another kid I went to school with and haven't talked to in forever.
Random Male Acquaintance: What's up beautiful
Me: looking up random old school computer games with some friends. you?
Random Male Acquaintance: just laying in bed now bored.
Aaaaaand you mentioned bed, used the word "laying" improperly, and called me "beautiful" (which may just be a personal turn off for me, but whatever). Not talking to you anymore. See, I'm getting better at early detection! Hilariously enough, he messaged my friend a few days later and said she sounded like a kinky girl and that he'd rock her world. Ugh. Just, ugh.
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