Asleep

Dealing With Women

Okay this is mostly for my little brother and boys (men?) like him who seem oblivious about some pretty basic rules that apply to dealing with women. I mean, I hate to generalize, but let's just say probably some women.

1. Never say "We need to talk"
Unless you are actually planning on breaking up with her. This is the sort of thing that a girl will hear you say, and then if it isn't immediately followed by what you specifically need to talk about, she will fill it in. With the worst possible conclusion. Because that's where girls go.

2. Never compare her
Not to other girls, not even (especially) your mother. Just don't do it. I mean, fine, do it in your head, but never aloud. Girls are constantly comparing themselves to other girls. Girls they know, celebrities, fictional characters, etc...they don't need you to do it too.

3. Do not belittle her
Don't act smarter than her in a pretentious way. Don't correct her grammar. Don't tell her the way she eats is annoying. Don't actually make fun of her. She will never forget these slights.

4. Don't tell her she has too many shoes/bags/whatever
Unless it is literally impossible to live with. Like the boxes of shoes are about to topple over onto your stupid head. It's none of your business how many shoes/bags/whatever she has. She likes them, they make her happy, and she bought them with her own money. Fucking deal with it.

5. Don't bitch about the "Friend Zone"
It only shows what a fucking dick you are. The fact that you find your friend attractive does not obligate that friend to also find you attractive. Sometimes you get lucky and your friend wants you back. If not, get over it, get over yourself, and go get another girl that wants you as more than a friend. Because remember, no girl is "perfect for you" unless she wants you back.

That Bluesy Feeling Mix

I've been sort of obsessing over the Blues lately...so here's what I've been listening to.

1. Devil Got My Woman - Skip James
2. Bring Me My Shotgun - Lightnin' Hopkins
3. You Was Born To Die - Blind Willie McTell
4. Ragged and Dirty - Willie Brown
5. You Never Can Tell - Blind Boy Fuller
6. Black Cat Blues - Lightnin' Hopkins
7. Nobody Knows You When You're Down and Out - Scrapper Blackwell
8. Back Door Man - Howlin' Wolf
9. Rambling On my Mind - Robert Johnson
10. Cypress Grove Blues - Skip James
11. Where Did You Sleep Last Night - Leadbelly
12. Future Blues - Willie Brown
13. Hard Time Blues - Scrapper Blackwell
14. Last Kind Words Blues - Geeshie Wily
15. Nobody's Fault But Mine - Blind Willie Johnson
16. Crow Jane - Skip James

Things I'm Tired of Pretending To Like

1. The Goonies

For a long time, I thought I must've seen a different Goonies from everyone else. I mean, it was an okay movie, but I was never crazy for it. Everyone else acts like it was life defining. I always sort of nodded along and smiled like I knew what they were talking about. Now I'm just like, "Fuck the Goonies." Fuck your fucking childhood. I'm done. Deal with it.

2. Oregon Trail

I have never played this game. Apparently my childhood sucked. All I know about this game is that Dysentery was involved, which sounds incredibly entertaining. But the game probably wasn't. Stop telling me about it, I'm never going to play it, so what's the fucking point?

3. Dougie/Twerk/Whatevernewdance

I don't know what you're doing and I don't care.

4. Sports

Not that I've ever really pretended to like them, but it's a hard thing for people to accept. I don't like sports. Don't talk to me about sports, I'm not listening. I don't want to go to your Super Bowl party because I don't like football. Downton Abbey party? Fuck yeah! Anything to do with sports? Nooooope.

5. Scentsy/Aloette/Pampered Chef/Pure Romance

I don't want to go to your Bored Housewife/Mother Party. Your pricey purses and jewelry break and tarnish. I'd rather go to an Arts Fair and give my money to artists/bored housewives/mothers who make things than support your cheap stupid crap no one needs business.

More Postsecret Love

These are a few from PostSecret that I currently love. Apparently there will be a PostSecret event at NIACC on April 23rd. Not sure I'll go, but if you're in the area and have never been, you should, it's pretty fun.

Lazerfest Mix 2014

This might be a little early, but I'm super excited for Lazerfest. Not only because I had a boozy blast last year, but also because Queens of the Stone Age and The Offspring are headlining this year! Last year was great, but this year I actually give a fuck about the bands that are playing.

1. 3's & 7's - Queens of the Stone Age (though they'll probably play the new album, which I've previously mentioned) (wish Josh Homme's wife would also be playing)
2. The Kids Aren't Alright - The Offspring (I have long loved The Offspring)
3. Hero - Skillet (I need a heeeero!)
4. The Bitch Came Back - Theory of a Deadman (I like to replace all the "she" and "her" in this song with "he" and "him" b/c I find guys dislike being called a bitch even more than girls. I do kind of like this band, even though they vaguely remind me of Hinder)
5. Imperium - Machine Head (This band's name seems so familiar, but I can't. I just can't. Think I'll go fetch some drinks while they play. Maybe get a tattoo?)
6. Sick - Adelita's Way (This also seems familiar...or maybe rock is just so homogenized now I don't even...ugh)
7. Make Me Wanna Die - The Pretty Reckless (that girl from Gossip Girl!)
8. Trenches - Pop Evil (yeah, more beer time) (Interestingly, they hail from a place I briefly lived, Grand Rapids, Michigan)
9. The Art of Breaking - Thousand Foot Krutch (so much beeeeeer)
10. Never Let Me Go - We Came As Romans (this reminds me of something 2006 would have wrought)
11. Heavy Bells - J. Roddy Walston and the Business (never done, but I like them, they actually kicks some ass!)
12. Bombshell - Powerman 5000 (I feel like they were hugely popular for some time, but this is the only song of theirs I know) (not that I want to know more) (I'm going to be so drunk)
13. Situations - Escape The Fate (I love this song. Sadly they have a diff lead singer now)
14. Winter - Chelsea Wolfe (sort of dark. I want to like her...not sure if I can. she just builds so slowly)
15. Split the Skies - Green Death (never heard of them, but they're from Iowa and they're pretty good in a death metal sort of way. color me surprised)

Just bought my tickets yesterday with my Kum & Go discount. Yay! the only tangible benefit to working there!

February Sucks

I've had a fucked up month. Actually it started right after I made that post about dominating January. Which effectively cured me of any small amount of optimism I might have acquired. So, yeah, around a week after that post I got a horrendous stomach flu. Then (it feels like) everyone quit (at work). So we have technically only 3 new people, but actually we have 4 because the other one rarely works and doesn't seem to recall what it is he's supposed to do when he's there. That is called "benefit of the doubt" because he probably just doesn't give a fuck. I mean, hey, I wouldn't either if I were you, Guy, but I hate you anyway.

And everyone else was new and terrible at things for a while. And then the books were terrible. And there's the part where I'm Jodi's bitch and am supposed to tell everyone when they're terrible. Which I actually don't mind that much because...I'm a bitch. But it does get repetitive and tiring. The main 2-11 person we hired is now pregnant (maybe with twins) and getting sick and going home more often than she works. And I'm just constantly coming in to a fresher hell than the last.

On a more personal note, Mediacom is charging me $70 a month for internet now and I really need to switch providers, but I've never done that before and the unknown is daunting to me. Also, I need a new cellphone because mine is glitching like a motherfucker but what phone to buy??? And then there's the car issue, which is still basically strutless and stupid and now refuses to start, but I'm having an even harder time finding a replacement car because I live in Iowa and all the damn used cars have crazy fucking miles on them. And I know nothing about cars. The other thing is I still don't have healthcare because I'm in sticker shock over what it costs and I don't know what any of the terms mean. So basically I'm just tired of shopping for boring shit that isn't shoes, and trying to make smart decisions. I'm not a decision maker. Apparently I'm also just not very good at being an adult.

I just want to read books, watch Netflix and paint some pictures. Why does life want to keep me away from these things?

So today, I've just been fucking off reading Cracked, and obsessing over female boxing. Because when I get stressed out, I shut down and give no fucks. Let Future Hannah deal with this shit. Sure sucks to be her.