January Is My Bitch!

Okay, so a lot has happened this month...sort of.

First off, I am now a Sales Manager, which isn't especially exciting, but there is a pay raise. Also I'm Jodi's bitch. Which, honestly, isn't much different than it's ever been. I don't understand why Amie (the previous SM) was so stressed out all the time. Possibly she just has poor stress management skills. Possibly she just can't chillax about anything. Fuck her, I'm awesome.

This is me, 2nd in Command!
(I've been waiting far too long to make that joke)

Secondly (I have no friends), I almost feel like a complete/law-abiding adult because I now have car insurance and am in the process of getting health insurance. I might even go for a tri-fecta here and file my taxes on time!

Additionally, I got rid of my table that I never used which was taking up too much space. My hair is now pretty short and I like it. I got Sammi hooked on Sherlock/in love with Benedict Cumberbatch. And I watched season 3 of Sherlock. These are accomplishments to me, don't judge (or do so silently, if you must).

And Cathy's wedding was actually pretty fun if you ignore all the boring bits. I mean, free food!

The only downers are:
1. Floyd needs new struts and I don't know where that money is coming from because
2. I'm supposed to be saving for a new car and
3. Bills.
4. Still have no bird because of the previously mentioned money concerns.

Still, all in all, a decent month so far. Tonight I get to spend some quality time with my Sammi and my Netflix (The most important people in my life). Right now I'm going to start a potentially awesome book, The Gate Thief by Orson Scott Card, sequel to The Lost Gate, which I just re-read yesterday. This is already more reading than I've done the past two years. Hopefully I can regain my voracious reading habits again, while also not letting my Netflix feel too neglected...in the end it's all just time-management, though, right?

How are people ever bored?

Another New Year

I think I am officially failing this 30 day challenge thinger...but I've decided not to care. Much like my new New Years resolution. Just kidding. But really. Last year I was apparently in a much different state of mind. Perhaps in the mostly-not-hungover state of mind that did not follow me to my present still-a-bit-hung-over state. Okay, so I just drank half a bottle of wine and I'm a little tired, which is different than hungover.

Anyway, I don't think I've accomplished anything from last year's to do list, as is my way, so I don't see much point in making a new one. It was a pretty terrible/normal year. This year I think I'll just try to become a better hermit. Maybe read some good books. Smoke less? I don't know, I'm really bad at self-improvement and it's very cold right now. I just want to sleep forever and never work or do anything at all. Can that be my resolution?

Bleh. The wine was a very bad idea.

Comments on Comments

(Comments comments COMments comMENTS. Does comments even look like a word to you anymore?)

This is sort of a dirty little secret of mine, but a thing I like to do when I'm feeling bored or masochistic is to look at the comment section of random sites (twitter, facebook, cracked, youtube, etc..). For example, today after reading this excellent article by my future 3rd husband, Felix Clay, I decided to peruse what others thought of his hilarity. Because I am exceptionally bored today. On purpose.

A thing I've noticed about comments is a thing I end up noticing about people: they basically come in 6 different varieties. There is always (1) that person who genuinely wants to help/is perplexed by your humor. There is always someone (2) who is staunchly against whatever you say/deliberately takes everything you say out of context/does not understand context. Someone who (3) wants to suck your metaphorical (or actual) dick. Someone who (5) gives out way too much unnecessary information because they are lonely extroverts who just want to connect/people who think they are so awesome, everyone wants to know this trivial shit about them. And (6) the asshole 12 year old, aka. Troll. Sometimes, just maybe, you get the hilarious/useful comment that alludes to a person you might actually want to communicate with in the real world. You won't, but that fleeting desire is there. So I guess maybe 7 varieties. Shut up.

Anyway, I was sort of irritated by cherokeebride's comment of "Just because someone can't read your mind, doesn't mean they're thoughtless."

I guess you might need context as to why I find it annoying, but just go on this...the article was titled The 7 Worst Gifts People Seem To Give Every Christmas. This is posted on Cracked.com, a comedy site most notoriously known for lists and dick-jokes. This article is obviously going to include some over the top/mildly offensive humor. And the whole list is generically hateable enough to include everyone in the fun. So, if I were a person that commented on comment forums instead of a person who is so pathologically obsessed with her own opinions that she has a whole blog to post her comments to instead, I would respond to her that...oh shit, I just lost my train of thought.

Oh yeah, I would respond to her that there is this thing called humor that she has proven not everyone has in great supply. As in, some might have a small supply of it, and/or it might be defective in some way, possibly molding. Except that I would never rationally respond to this type of comment because it would be the most self-defeating thing I've done since that time the other day when I tried to argue Batman vs. Superman with a grown man who has a Superman tattoo. Which of course Cracked has already covered for me. I would instead troll the shit out of her. Because while I abjectly hate trolling, it is sometimes the only appropriate response.

-swift and Mediorite, however, are awesome.

So I guess to wrap up this long ramble about comments, I would like to say thanks to all of my imaginary readers for not commenting. I would probably just think you are insufferable anyway. 

A Quote You Try To Live By

The prompt says "a quote," but I'm going to do a few...because I am a whore for quotes. I love them. Deal with it.

1. "Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you." -Rumi

This, and my extreme need for solitude, is why I'm rarely if ever lonely.

2. "There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." -Aristotle

I used to be so worried about how others viewed me. So much so that I would make myself into something less than a person with a full range of likes and dislikes and personality. This reaffirms my resolve to just be myself.

3. "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." -Anais Nin

I love this quote as a reminder to myself that not everyone sees things in my perspective, and also to constantly check my own views and how they are biased, not necessarily truth.

4. "I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night." - Aristotle

The night sky intrigues, astounds, and soothes me. I have never been afraid of going anywhere at night (past the age of 4) because my obsession with stars and space (and okay, some morbid things) has made it impossible for me to feel anything but good about the night.

5. "I am the hero of this story, don't need to be saved." -Regina Spektor
Technically these are song lyrics, but I feel it's been vital to me. Vital to realize that you are the hero of your own story, and you need no saving. You need to save yourself. I need to save myself from my own problems, not wait around for some one else to pick up the pieces.

A Problem That You Have Had

Me too, man, me too.

5 Ways To Win Your Heart

1. Make Me Laugh
It's not hard. I have a sense of humor that ranges from juvenile to cynical, so I find pretty much anything funny. So if someone can't even accomplish that...it's just not going to happen.

2. Be Open
I like to dive into people's brains and try to figure them out, so I appreciate when they allow this. Maybe don't divulge everything up front, but if I don't even know who you are, how am I supposed to know how I feel about you.

3. Be Open-Minded
The best sort of people, in my opinion, are the ones who understand the fact that people can be different from them, and value different things, and still be awesome. I'm not saying they have to be perfectly zen with the world and in love with everyone, but maybe just tolerant of opinions not their own.

4. Be Passionate
About something. Anything really, except maybe murder.

5. Feed Me
I basically hate cooking, it's super boring, and end up going out to eat a lot. So I guess whenever someone makes me food, I think that is pretty epic. If you feed me, I will pretty much love you forever. 

One Thing You're Excited For

Okay, I'm going to kick this shindig off with the last item on the 30 Day Prompts list because I like the symmetry of #1 being One Thing. Also, I'm one day late with this! So, without further ado...

The one thing I'm excited for is getting a bird. Specifically, a cockatiel. My dad had a pair of cockatiels, Ward and June, when I was younger and I was always pretty in love with them. Well, Ward anyway. June was a bitch. Which is why I'm planning on getting a male, apparently they learn to sing/talk better than females, presumably due to some evolutionary mating thing.

Last week, I finally asked my landlady if she would charge me the pet fee if I got a bird, and if so, how much that would be. She replied that technically, the apartment owners don't want birds in the apartments at all, and usually the pet fee is $900. However, she said I could get a bird if I wanted, so long as I didn't fuck up the carpet, and she wouldn't tell the owners. No pet fee required. So that was pretty fucking sweet of her. So glad she loves me.

I ordered the bird cage and received it this week, set it up yesterday. It is super cute. Now I am just waiting for my next paycheck so that I can actually buy the goddamned bird. However, I want to get one from a breeder, not a pet store, and the closest breeder lives in Sioux City. Two fucking hours away. So I'm not excited about that. But I am super fucking psyched to get my bird. Even though everyone thinks I'm crazy for wanting a bird.

Why the fuck is everyone so biased about birds? It's not like dogs are so goddamn great, they shit and piss all over, you have to walk them, they bark for no reason, and they smell like...well, dog. So fuck y'all. I'm getting a motherfucking bird. And I'm excited.